The man who kept lighting the candles...

... and in this dream... I saw myself near the shore... a seashore may be...

It was a usual dusky evening... the night had not fallen completely.. and I saw a bunch of people, who had been standing on one side of the beach where the water didnt touch them, looking at someone who was in the knee-deep waters... There was some continuous whispering and laughs which drew me there...

There I saw the man... The man who kept lighting the candles... I saw him surrounded by hundreds of those round claypot candles... some of them still burning against the heavy wind just living their last moments before the wind blew them away like it did to others... but he, oblivious of people who were mocking him, kept lighting them... he had one candle in his hands which was somehow still lit... it looked as if he had been doing this since some time as that candle was also losing the wax and reducing to an even smaller size with each passing minute...

What he was doing seemed ridiculous... he lit the candles continuously... the wind came and blew them off... and this continued again and again almost endlessly... it was just a matter of time before his own candle would go off I thought...

I turned away immediately and I saw the people and for an instance was stunned to see most of them to be known faces... I, somehow, didnt feel to be with them and continued my journey towards home... when I reached a distance... I saw that scene from faraway.... It was pitch dark and I could see noone but those deemly lit claypot candles... yeah it was dark... and the only thing which still attracted people towards that place was the light being emitted by those candles... I dont know why it brought a smile on my face but it did, for sure...

and when I found myself on my bed at night I couldnt stop thinking about the expressions which I saw on his face... it showed the misery of people not understanding his plight to keep on lighting them... what I found ironic was that the same light did attract everybody...



Haan Baatein To Sabse Hoti Hain...
Par Sab
Kahaan Karte Hain Baarish Ki Baatein ...

Aur Un Boondo Ki Jo Patto Pe Theher Si Jaati Hain
Aur Phir Un Patto Ki Hi Hoke Rahe Jaati Hain...

Baato Ki Baatein Bhi Sab Karte Hain...
Par Un Khamoshiyo Ki Baatein Kaun Karta Hain..

Aur Jab... Jab Yeh Baatein Nahi Rehengi...
Tab Un Baato Ki Baatein Kaun Karega...
Aur Phir... Shaayad Yeh Bhi Ik Baat Hi Ban Kar Rahe Jaaye...

Haan Baatein To Sabse Hoti Hain...


of Daal, Chawal and some pappadams !!!

Having had food at almost all the joints in Lau Pa Sat... Me and Badz were finding it suicidal to go there again. The auspicious Diwali day gave us the chance of our life to find a chef in us... the first hurdle was to start the kitchen.... although we had brought with us all the needful utensils and necessary items a week back... but needed a spark to start the burner !!!

After remembering my Guru Santosh (who was like a dummies guide to cooking at Nadiad) I gave the first spark to my stove to make some tea !!! Although I know nothing about cooking but I have always been proud of my skills in making tea.... well.. until this very moment... Badri was kind enough to say the Tea was OKAY.... maaan... it tasted shitttt... and from that moment... me and Badri have been doing all the efforts (and all the permutations and combinations) to make a cup of strong Indian tea but with no luck... whom to blame... There are two culprits which came to our minds (apart from me and Badz)... The Brown Sugar ... and the Cartoned milk....

Anyways, the moment was fruitful enough to start the kitchen... and hence Badri has taken over as the head Chef of the room... We have successfully ( We 100% = Badri 90% + Me 10% ) prepared Daal Chawal and some pappadams... and believe me they do taste nice... much better than any joints at Lau Pa Sat foodcourt....

Yesterday we(read Badri) tried our hands at Khichdi... which also came out nice !!! and like our bosses put it... both of us have a greaat future ahead... !!!

What did you say you wanna eat ??? Malai Kofta and Kashmiri Pulao.... here you go !!!


Finding a house in S'pore... with some help from Shahrukh Kha

Since the first day in Spore... me and Badz have been trying hard to find a place to stay...
although staying in the guest house for 15 days saves us some money... but me and guru, looking at our highly-constipated tambi partner who is overstaying in the guest house and doesnt even bother to say hi... and the crippled condition of the TV, Fridge, Washing machine and virtually everything there, just didnt want to stay there anymore... and yeah not having pillow in my bed also didnt help...

So, after snooping here n there for an agent... we found Zul... (again the same laugh from both the sides regarding names... ) a malay guy, whose English was the only way to keep is out of our tension and have a smiling face all the time...

The house is in Bishan, a peaceful area and beautiful locality in Spore... The owner is a Malay lady who came with an agent... and immediately we felt that we had an amazing chemistry... ofcourse with opposite reaction... the Landlady and the agent both are crazy about Shahrukh Khan... and as usual, we talked less about the house, the 21" color TV that we desperately wanted and more about Veer Zaara and Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna... She went on praising SRK for Veer Zaara, KANK and what not... and i kept committing my sins by agreeing to her blasphemous views while Badz gasped on me !!!

After signing the intent letters and promises of giving them some good SRK DVDs we finalized a home for two of us... !!!

So ... finally.. we have a house now... !!! Hurraaaay !!!!


The faith

Every time... I hear about the idols start drinking milk...
I, too, rush with a glass full... with all my faith.... !!!
and each time... I find a little boy yearning for milk on my way...
and I return back home empty handed giving him the milk ...!!!


Ramesh Parekh ... and me

It was in 1991 that I recited the first poem. My dad was trying to soak me into the world of poetry. It was by a poet Ramesh Parekh whom I never heard of till that very day... Well, I did recite it.... and recited it pretty well too... but couldnt understand a word of it...

"Gadh Ne Honkaro To Kangray Deshe... Pan Gadh Ma Honkaro Kon Deshe"...(literally : The parapets of the fort will assert .... but who will support from inside the fort ? "

I knew it was something great because Papa was so overwhelmed by it... .. and the following years explained every bit of the greatness in each line of that lovely poem... and more than the poem... the poet, Ramesh Parekh or fondly known as RaPa.

... and then by 1995, I had not only read most of his poems, Ghazals, Haikus.. but also had met him twice. He was one of the most humble human beings. He is/was arguably the best poet in Gujarat... When you attended one of his Mushayra's... You could see the expressions of the other poets. While others were good... they used words really well... RaPa wrote something other-worldly. He recited and other gasped... not wanting to believe what they had just heard. and well... ... He didnt use great words... He just used simple words... but using those simple words... he created a world inside those lines... and I remember.... Every time, I knew the meaning of those specific words... but when it became a line... it was something I never had an idea of.. may be my juvenile mind couldnt digest what was being told... Papa used to explain me them one by one... and he explained me the intricacies of poetry. Everything that was worth telling, or worth writing... had already been told or writtten... Meer, Ghalib and Faiz had written everything... Its not about telling something... Its about how you express it...

... I remember being poetry-aficionado was something abnormal for an adolescent... till I met Tejas.... he read a lot ... and boy.... what we did... we opened 7 accounts in the district library, and what we got as the result was more RaPa books... Books that were lined across the shelves in the library... books that enticed and invited us to steal them... those were RaPa books... and were very difficult to get... anybody who took them kept with himself for a long time... so we committed our first crime together... stealing a RaPa book...

... then came a day when I got a chance to meet him. Dad asked me to collect some books which he had lended to RaPa. I was thrilled at the opportunity.... and at once was on my way... I was somewhat surprised to see his house... It was one of the most humble house in that locality. Although, I was prepared for it, but still you always get a shock when you actually see it. I couldnt help scrolling my eyes thru the house. It was a modest 2 room house with the most basic furniture. In a corner, there were 4 shelves full of books, the only things that exhibited the living of a proud and gutsy poet. He usually wore a Khadi Kurta and always had Pan in his mouth. Thats all what, I think, he needed to create a sea of emotions. I was awestruck by his simplicity and the way he went on to introduce me to his family. I was wondering then, how come a person stay ignorant of the countless awards bestowed upon him and still be so humble.

I know being a poet in India means... this kind of a life. One has to be a wanderer... One has to give up all the hopes of a good life-style and all other mundane things and still going on writing epics about life... but in Gujarat, the situation is worse... The government knows less about literature than Narendra Modi about religious tolerance. The most coveted prize in literature will give you a sum of Rs 5000 that ofcourse, if you are the sole awardee (yes, sometimes, it gets divided among two poets/writers) and nobody has asked for a pie from it... and the tragedy is you can do nothing but to buy his books and feel sorry about the situation.

Two days back, one of my dad's friend and a prominent Gujarati poet, went to buy some poetry collections from the discarded books market. What he found was utterly painful for the fans of RaPa. He found hundreds of books piled up of different Gujarati poets. There was a striking similarity in all those books... the books were signed by the author of the book and were sent to Ramesh Parekh as gifts... and all of them read... "With Love to Ramesh Parekh"... It struck me there... These were the books I saw on the day I visited his home. Dad's friend asked the seller, where did he get the books from. His answer was... "Just got two bags full of these books as trash from one of the houses in Hanuman Madhi"... It was where RaPa lived... and these were the reasons why Rapa lived... being sold at 5Rs per Kg.

Its not even two months since he passed away... and all his cherished possessions were being sold at a meagre amount... may be they occupied a place in the house which could be utilized for keeping a washing machine... may be they had to sell it... may be this is how it should be... I can just guess....

"Nathi Samato Aaj Have To Hu Aa Mara Chh Aksharo Ma"
"Cant live now .... in these six letters of mine"
Ramesh Parekh


Separation Part III - The Call

... and then...

somebody who has died inside her....

... called somebody who has died in me...

... and then...

we discussed the humid weather... the increasing costs... and tax investments... !!!


... and then I can still feel relaxed because

  • Vinay Pathak, Suresh Menon, Sonia Raikkar, Purvi Joshi and Ranveer Shourey can still make me laugh ( The Great Indian Comedy Show)
  • Subbu and Tejas are still raring to go on the loooooong planned Goan escapade
  • Hyderabad is still a nice city... and I can roam around the roads in the nights on my T'Bird before it becomes another Bangalore or Mumbai.
  • I still have a hope to be financially stable and settle all my debts in the next 6 months
  • Whenever I call home... the first question that comes to Bhavesh, Mom or Dad's mind is "When am I coming home ?"
  • I believe Rajat Kapoor has still not given up on the Indian audience and has started working on his new project.
  • I know... whatever I do, wherever I am... Mihir, Gaurang, Alka-Mohit and Nikhil worry about me.... all of them are such wonderful people
  • My room sucks.... but my roomies ( Rahul and Badri) and the newly acquired fridge ROCK !!! We have decided to stock it with beer bottles and lock it so that the maid doesnt steal and get drunk !!!
  • The plans of joining the gym for the nth time are still on... !!!
  • ... am still waiting for somebody !!!


The anatomy of a dream... my dream !!!

... God's most mysterious creation, they say, is a woman. Well... certainly she is... I only have to agree to this being a man...

but when I think... about the most mysterious creation... the one thing that comes to my mind is

d r e a m s... and no... you dont have to be a woman to second this thought.

dream ( P ) Pronunciation Key (drm)


  1. A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.
  2. A daydream; a reverie.
  3. A state of abstraction; a trance.
  4. A wild fancy or hope.
  5. A condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration: a dream of owning their own business.
  6. One that is exceptionally gratifying, excellent, or beautiful: Our new car runs like a dream.
Courtesy :

I am still thinking about the dream I had in the morning. Not that I dream less... the unusual thing was that it was a happy and a feel-good dream which i seldom have had. It comes rarely... but when it does... i just know that the entire day is gonna be like this. Amazing !!!

I wont say surrounded... but I saw myself with many girls... You may call it as the by-product of a sexually frustrated single man, but no... It was not about sex or flirting or even love. It was something else... which I dont know or may be I dont remember now... but It made me damn happy atleast for today...

and I am now trying to analyze what might have been the reason. Was it because of the single line praise by my superior ? or was it the excellent food I had y'day night with my close friends Nikhil and Vishruti ? or was it the anticipation of my salary which is to come today ? I really dont know...

well... be it anything... but it started the day with a good note... i think it does to anyone who has a good dream. You dont need to jerk off in the morning.... You dont need to think about bashing your maid who still hasnt cleared cob-webs looming over you on the wall... and yeah... in addition to all that... You just solved the mystery of a P3 bug which was in your queue for a month.

I am really astonished by the bizarre nature of the dreams. Some dreams keep repeating themselves... as one of my childhood dreams... and then some people say they are hidden messages sent to you by god. If it really was... i could be a millionaire. Just a couple of weeks back. I had a dream.... One of my friends who used to work in Satyam calls me... and tells me that Satyam share is on Rs 790. There's something cooking ... and the price of a share is going to cross 1000. Many would think it as a usual dream... usual, until u know that I have never dealt in shares... its like Greek n Roman to me. Just for the sake of it... I went and asked one of my friends who invests a lot... His response stunned me... Its currently on 820. and I believe they have declared bonus shares and just 2-3 days back it was 790.

A dream is the experience of imagined images, voices, or other sensations during sleep. Dreams often portray events which are impossible or unlikely in reality, and are usually outside the control of the dreamer. Many people report experiencing strong emotions while dreaming, and frightening or upsetting dreams are referred to as nightmares. The scientific discipline of dream research is oneirology.

Courtesy :

... god knows what are they ?... let me be happy with the girls I had in my dream :)


Half a Dream !!!

...and the alarm goes off. He was only half asleep thru out the night, it was very much similar to the days when he used to go to Rajkot to meet her in an unreserved coach from Mumbai. He couldnt stretch the legs more than a feet. People sitting besides almost falling down on you in sleep. "It is still the same", he thought. It was 5 am. Rahul was fast asleep. He wanted to wake Rahul up, and say bye to him. but then gave up the idea as both of them had come back from office at 1230 the earlier day. "He must be tired."

Most of the luggage was in the saddlebag. He had got the bike serviced two days back. Although, he still felt that the clutch wire might give some trouble. He again checked the list. Bike papers and the RC Book were in the right side of the saddlebag. He hadnt found the torch which, he thought, might be in Rahul's room. He put the geyser on and started brushing. Still thinking about the dream, the dream which once was a reality. It was the same train, same people trying to get more space even in their sleep, and ofcourse the same time, 5am, when she used to call. Her voice was so soft and even softer when she called early mornings trying to speak as low as possible so that nobody knows about it. It was enough to take away the strain off him. And they talked about the things they were supposed to do in whatever time they had to be with eachother.

He came out after taking the shower and looked at the room which was as messy as it could be being his room. The maid had not come for two days. He put a note for Rahul to clean the room whenever the maid comes. He put all the toiletries in the bag and packed it. The torch was in Rahul's room. "Why do you always have to forget the water bottle ?", "So that you can scold me" and he remembered hugging her. He took the water bottle and put in in the side pocket.

It was still dark. He decided to start at 6 am. Still had 15 minutes with him. He checked the toolkit and the other things he had bought when he got the bike serviced. The clutch wire, throttle wire, chain link, the head lamp, everything was in. She was so scared when he had decided to buy the Enfield Thunderbird. It had taken him a month to persuade her. "but... why this bike" she kept asking. "so that I can whisk you away some day... other bikes wont be useful when we are going for a longer distance... " he joked and started exlaining her the technicalities of the bike, the 350cc engine, the disk brakes which he was sure that she wouldnt understand.

He locked the house, came out and mounted the saddlebag on the bike. He had the maps and distance sheet in his pocket. Also made a note of places he would stop. It was a list they both had prepared for their first trip on the bike. The first was the scenic riverside, 180 kms, it was quiet and immensely beautiful site and so different from the crowded city. They had decided to spend the entire morning there on the Dhaba, which was on the banks of the river. Then there was the temple they were to visit. The horsley hills was 250 kms further where they would have stayed. He still remembered the dream they had both had. Just the thought of spending the entire day with eachother without anything else to think about, to worry about, thrilled them both.

He thought about their dream for a second and took the bike off the stand. Gave the choke and started the bike after a couple of tries... and he set off to the dream he had with her... and he set off to half the dream they both had.


Chandrakant Bakshi - The 4th quarter... !!!

"I have never given any of my articles to somebody for reading or for review before publishing, and have never believed in the double standards of modifying or glorifying my thoughts in my articles. Have written, sent and it has been published... and whenever the publisher has sent it back to me I have forgiven him for his stupidity....
KSHAMA VIRASYA BHUSHANAM... ( Forgiveness is the jwellery of the Brave... )"
-- Bakshinama ( Chandrakant Bakshi )

I believe I was in 11th when I came across 4 people... who In a way, were going to change the way I thought. I didnt know these people particularly. It was their books, their thoughts and their arrogance which attracted me. I used to read Chacha Choudhary, Gujarati Suspense Thrillers and some English ones by James Hadley Chase... and then I was given these 4 books by my dad and uncle.

The first one was Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach, The second one was Les Miserables by Victor Hugo, The third was a collection of poetry, collected in a span of many years by dad. and the last one was Bakshinama by Chandrakant Bakshi. Each of these four books, now seems that, shaped a quarter of my the way I think.

I had never seen a writer's ability to surprise more than Chandrakant Bakshi. He used to write with a sword and not a pen.

Just came to know that the best Gujarati writer, the man who shaped not my life but the way I think right now, the person who bred stubbornness and arrogance in me is no more... the fourth quarter is gone... I wish god best of luck when he faces Chandrakant Bakshi.

"Sarna, You know, why did I start drinking ? A strong man told me one peg is equivalent to one dose of suicide. I liked what he said - "
-- Aakar ( Chandrakant Bakshi )


The silence...

Maine Chidiya Se Kaha
"Main Tum Par Ek Kavita Likha Chahta Hoon"
Chidiya Ne Mujse Puchha
"Tumhare Shabdo Mein Mere Paron Ki Rangeeni Hai ? "
Maine Kaha, "Nahi"

"Tumhare Shabdo Mein Mere Kanth Ka Sangeet Hai ? "

"Jaan Hai ?"
"Tab Tum Muj Par Kavita Kya Likhoge ?"

Maine Kaha
"Par Tum Se Mujhe Pyaar Hai"

Chidiya boli
"Pyaar Ka Shabdon Se Kya Sarokaar Hai ?"

Ek Anubhav Naya Hua
Main Maun Ho Gaya

- Harivanshray Bachchan



प्रेत आयेगा 

Keetab Se Nikaal Le Jayega Prempatra
Giddh Use Pahaad Par Noch Noch Khayega
Chor Aayega To Prempatra Hi Churayega
Juaari Prempatra Hi Daav Mein Lagaega
Rushi Aayenge To Daan Mein Mangenge Prempatra

Baarish Aayegi To Prempatra Hi Galayegi
Aag Aayegi To Jalayegi Prempatra
Bandishein Prempatra Par Hi Lagayee Jayengi

Saanp Aayega To Dasega Prempatra
Jhingoor Aayenge To Chatenge Prempatra
Keede Prempatra Hi Katenge

Pralay Ke Deenon Mein
Saptarshi, Machhali Aur Manu
Sab Ved Hi Bachaenge
Koi Nahi Bachaega Prempatra
Koi Raam Bachaega Koi Madeena
Koi Chandi Bachaega Koi Sona

Main Nipat Akela
Kaisa Bachaunga
Tumhara Prempatra

- सर्वेश्वर दयाल सक्सेना 


Stories from the Chawl - The book of lies

Chapter 1 : Lies...

"Hey Kali, Where the fuck where you ? you know today morning at 6, Pakistan attacked India, and they chose Junagadh as the first target", Divyesh came running
"What ?" I was stunned
"Yeah, You see.... We have mountains on 3 sides and there is only one way out so they chose us".
"What the hell ? Now what "
"Go back to your home. ask aunty to pack the bags" Divyesh was sympathetic at my ignorance of the whole situation.
"Hmm, I'll skip the class. Going home... You, coming with me Divya ?" I asked
"Okay, Lets run"...
We started running out of the chawl. and With us Viro, Narendra, Vishal, Khanjan, all were running to their resp. homes in the chawl to tell their moms about the breaking news. The class was at 6pm and we were already late by 5 minutes... so we continued running towards our tution. It was Vijay Sir's class and we couldnt miss that.

When we entered, Vijay sir already had started. He saw both of us and didnt let us in. "I believe today it was the meeting with Prime Minister Narsimha Rao, which made you come late". Well... the best answer we could have was silence with our face pointed towards our feet. "So... Divyesh, can you tell us about the Pythagorus theorum". Divyesh was dumbstruck now... He knew nobody by that name in the Indian politics. "He is talking about maths, laude" I tried to speak as slowly as I could without any lip movement. Well, after knowing me for 3 years, Vijay sir really knew me too well.

"Divyesh, I am warning you for the last time. Stay away from this jerk". Vijay sir was looking at me instead of him. After 3 years I could still not look at him in his eyes. I was almost whispering "I know the theorem".
"Okay, so Mr. Thavrani will tell us about Mr. Pythagorus now". He was sarcastic enough not to use hands to teach me a lesson.
I spoke about the theorem for some time. and when I stopped everybody in the class including Divyesh were gasping. It was exactly as Vijay sir had been teaching them... and Divyesh came to terms with his knowledge on Indian politics. Pythagorus was no Indian politician... but nonetheless not less than any other politician.

and in the end, as they say the truth wins.... I was asked to sit outside the class and Divyesh was let in. But I loved this arrogant teacher of mine.... Vijay sir was a gem of a man.... and we shared this mutual to-hell-with-u feelings for each-other. While I was being punished here, Viro, Lakhkho and Nadu were being punished at their homes ...

The monsoon had arrived and alongwith that we were facing the first obstacle of our life. The 10th board exams due in the next 10 months. After school, we were supposed to attend the tuitions. I had to cover 3 kms on my cycle in one hour which I seldom did. Visiting the chawl was a ritual, I never missed. After all, I was chawl-religious to the hilt.

Me and Divyesh were in the 10th, the eldest, smartest and "bravest" of them all... Viro was in 8th, Narendra and Lakshit were in 4th the youngest of us all, and were learning our language. At the age of 8, Nadu (Narendra) and Lakhkho( Lakshit) were being educated about girls and their finer sides. Well, sometimes me and Divyesh found it difficult to teach them a lesson or two about girls. For example, I had to show Nadu his own sister to teach him what Voluptuous meant.

Chapter 2 : More lies

"Hey Divya, I did that"
"What ?"
"Are yaar.... Dont you know what I mean ?"
"You mean... that ?"
"Yesterday.... I was alone at home.... and this maid of mine. "
"F*ckkkkkkk.... what the helll"
Nadu, Viro and Lakhkho all were looking at me with admiration. Suddenly I had become more experienced...
"Hey Kali... was it the first time for you" Divyesh asked
"Are naa re... I had an affair with Nadu's mom 9 years back"
"Hey... Nadu is only 8... does that mean.... ????"
and we were again running for the tuition... this time, the only difference was the time... it was 5:55 and if we run real fast... we would be able to be there in time.

Vijay sir looked at his watch and asked us to come inside. Everybody was looking at us as we made our way to the last bench from where we had been ruling our kingdom for the last three years...

"Hey... you really did that ?" Divyesh was puzzled, more than our usual lies it was the thing called sex which made him question me
"Are naa... I was just f**king around with Nadu... I hope you are not touchy about Nadu's mom.... laude" I laughed
"madarbhagat... I was just asking because I am always thinking about doing it" said Divyesh
"but you know Divya... One day I will do it... and I will start doing it before anyone you can see right now in this class"
"and who will be the girl who might have sinned for seven births to have punished to have sex with you"
"It will be.... HER"... I looked at the doors of the class

...and thats when both of us saw her for the first time. It was something.... something which we could not describe... something which we still cant describe.... about her that made us gape. She was a usual beautiful girl. But there was something about her, which made her so attractive that even Kritagna and Heena, the two most beautiful girls in our tuition until that very day, seamt to be jealous of her when they looked at her....

"Miss Charu, This is your first day. So I would like to make it very clear that " Vijay sir started his usualy talks about the rules of the class.
"We start our class at 6 o clock. and when I say 6. It really means 6... Please come in" He stopped as we thanked god.
"Yes Sir" She entered the class almost baffled by what she had heard.

I was getting impatient to let Charu know who was the boss around in the absense of the lion himself. I stood up immediately.
"Yes, Mr. Thavrani, what is it ?" Vijay sir asked almost almost in anger.
"Sir, Miss Charu is new to the class. Can I help her with my notes of the classes she missed till now ?" I asked.
"We have already taken care of that, Mr. Thavrani. Now, will you please sit down and let others study"

Charu looked at me with half sympathy and half appreciation. She will take some time to understand the relationship i shared with Vijay sir, I thought. But till that time, I will enjoy with whatever feelings I, already, had bred in her.

I sat down. Divyesh was sounding a bit low I felt.

Vijay sir started with the geometry class. I tried to start a conversation but Divyesh didnt look interesed so I was forced to attend the class. When I think now, I know for sure that both of us were looking at Charu. To say she was beautiful would be an understatement. She had much more to her which we were still trying to figure out.

"Miss Charu, Are you with us in the class" Vijay sir had spotted Charu on her first day.
"Ye...s... Sir" Charu was trembling
"I must tell you that this is the stepping stone of your career, I would appreciate if you can concentrate on the black-board.. We want to get good score... dont we ?"

Charu couldnt answer... and she started crying. Vijay Sir asked Kinjal to go to her. But she was inconsolable. Everybody was looking at her with shock and a tinge of sympathy, mainly the boys. Here was a girl who started crying by a relatively sober Vijay sir. It was hard to keep our eyes off from Charu after that.

"Lets talk to Kinjal after the class" Divyesh proposed to which I agreed.


"Hmmm.... It's about Charu.. Isnt it ?" Kinjal knew instantly why we had approached her this time.
We looked at each other. We couldnt say no but again that was not the reason why we went to her. We were too restless not to know about her.
"Hey Kali... Please... remember one thing.... Try not to make fun of her.. she is too sensitive"
"Are baba... I will not.. but please can you tell us something about her... why is she so quiet"

Kinjal knew her as they were in the same school. Charu came from a lower middle class family. She had lost her parents at an early age. She stayed with her brother who was married. Her bhabhi was more than a mother to her. They took good care of her to which Charu had to do everything at home. She didnt talk to many people especially never to a boy. She was an average student and so, was allowed the tuition. Her bhabhi didnt like her going to the tuitions. In fact, it was for the first time that she had been allowed to go on her own. and then Kinjal continued with we already had an idea of. Charu was so sensitive even if she saw somebody fight she would start feeling disturbed. She told us about many incidents which proved her senses to be as brittle as Nadu's sense of humor.

When we left Kinjal's house... none of us spoke for some time. We headed straight away to the terrace which was only used when we had to talk something serious. Apart from discussing serious issues, the terrace was also used to look at Girnar. Girnar is a mountainrange which surrounds the Gir Forest. It also acts as a natural 1500 sq. km of cage to some 350 lions we have in India. The tallest of the mountains is called Girnar. It has exactly 9999 steps and is considered to be very tough to climb and at the same time one of the most sacred places. It was Divyesh who started the conversation this time.

"Keep her out"
"What ?"
"Keep her out"
"Bhenchod.. what do you think of me. Do you really think I will harass THIS girl ?"
"Are naaa... please dont take it that way... I think I like her"
"Maa Faadi... Can you please come again Mr. Divyesh" I tried to imitate Vijay Sir
"Are yaar.... you know what I mean... I just want to tell you keep her out of your radar" Divyesh smiled which almost seemed to have come on his face after ages.
"Hmmm... so thats why you were so quiet in the class... I hope she doesnt know about your being touchy towards Nadu's mom"....
"Hey.... his mom has asked us to stay away from both of us" Divyesh said
to which we laughed for some time and then continued looking at the scenic mountainrange...


It was difficult to meet Nadu, Viro and Lakhkho for some days... Partly because of our 10th and mainly due to our dirty jokes, lies and whatever a kid should keep away from. Kinjal kept on helping us with whatever information she could gather about Charu and other girls in the class.

"Hey Kali.. I am again asking you" Kinjal said
"What..." I replied
"Can you help Charu with her Maths"
Divyesh was with me, but he tried hard not to look interested in the talk.
"I think... she is the one who should ask for favour and not you" I could sense Divyesh's uneasiness
"Then... I think... probably you wont. By the time, she gathers courage to talk to you, all of us might have passed the 10th" Kinjal sighed and added "... and in any case... she is quite afraid of your banters"

Two months had passed since we first saw Charu and she had started visiting the chawl. We saw her entering Kinjal's house. It was usually at 5:45 when these girls started for the class. It brought a change in me and Divyesh as well. He insisted on reaching the class on time.

I decided to talk to Charu at the end of the class. and after a lot of convincing, Divyesh agreed to be on my side.

"Miss Charu, " I stopped her outside the gate. It was a rule for the boys in the class to address all the girls with the prefix "miss". One of the few rules I really cared of.
She stopped but didnt say a word.
"I believe you want to learn Maths"
"Yeah, If you can help me with a couple of lessons" It was really difficult to hear her. She spoke in such a low voice and softness, I thought even if I speak in my usual tone, she would cry.
"Well.. I dont have that much time, You see, I have to be back home by 9. Is it okay if Divyesh helps you"
Charu didnt seem to have liked the idea, but I believe she had no other choice.
"Well.. In that case, can you provide me with your notes"
"Well... I would certainly like to ... but You see.. I had lied... I didnt have any... but Divyesh has" I replied.

Divyesh was in a state of shock. He knew both of us kept notes of our maths assignments and my notes were considered to be the best in the class. On the other hand, Charu knew that Divyesh was not the best at Maths and was only able to get decent marks because of my notes.
Charu reluctantly agreed to go to Divyesh's home which was besides Kinjal's in the chawl.

"You should have given him your notes... ".
"You are welcome, Mr. Divyesh, Its time you start writing the notes and keep it up-to-date by tomorrow"
"anyway, Thanks" and agained smile returned to his face. Me and Divyesh were best of the friends and never used thanks in our friendship but this time he really meant it.
"Forget it... Lets go and fuck Nadu and Lakhkho"

We didnt sleep that night. Divyesh kept writing the notes. and after that I helped him with all the lessons. Divyesh came from a very modest background. He worked in a jewellery shop for half a day and helped his family meet ends. The only time, he could study was when he came to my place where We studied less and played hard.

I believe, that was the start of their friendship. Charu went to his home, collected the notes. Months were passing by. Charu was as silent as she ever was. She didnt talk much. The only change in all of us according to Vijay Sir was that suddenly we became aware of the importance of Maths which he couldnt figure out but still felt proud of the fact. but he was right as always. The weekly exam results were enough evidence of that fact. Nobody failed in Maths after that day. Charu was weak in Maths. Divyesh had a weakness in Charu. and Divyesh was my best friend. We made it a point to discuss maths for two hours and almost forgot that we had 6 subjects. We used to practice maths one day, the other day, Divyesh would go and sit with Charu and Kinjal. Sometimes, I also went there and helped them if they had any problems. This continued till the year ended.

Divyesh was happy about whatever was happening in his life. When the year started, everything looked gloomy for him. He couldnt believe he was going to pass the exams, the only time he enjoyed was when we fucked around with Nadu, Lakhkho and Viro and an occasional Cricket game or two with the chawl team on Sundays. When the year ended, He had a friend in Charu, who only talked with Divyesh. and more than anything, It was the goal in his life, to pass the 10th board exams, and to marry Charu when both of them were legally allowed, a secret desire which only I knew. We had stopped playing cricket because of our studies, one of the many sacrifices, especially for Divyesh, who was one of the brightest bowler in our team and would definately have played at the state level, had it not been for the sake of studies, had it not been for the sake of Charu.

The exams were over. My dad was transferred to another city. So I left Junagadh. I was happy for Divyesh. We went thru all the question papers. Divyesh looked doubtful in science but apart from that he did well in all the subjects, especially in Maths in which he was sure to get more than 60. He and Charu became good friends. She also went to the shop were Divyesh worked. Whenever I called Divyesh, we laughed about Nadu, Lakhkho and all the other friends, but the new addition was his inability to do business. He told me that Charu often came to his shop to buy jewellery and he gave her everything at his own cost and sacrificed his own salary for that.

The results were out. Divyesh passed the 10th board exams with 49%. Kinjal had passed too. It took us a week to know Charu's result. Charu had called me a couple of times and she looked very happy when she talked to me. Charu had got 56% and her score in Maths was her highest. She had got 70 in Maths.

Chapter 3 : and the truth...

It took me five years to go back to Junagadh again. I was in final year B. Sc. Divyesh had left his studies after 12th. I had advised him not to do so, but he wanted to go into jewellery business and in any case, he found it difficult to keep on studying in spite of whatever hardships his family was facing.

I entered the chawl, where I still could feel the same pranks we played on Nadu and Lakhkho. Kinjal had also left the Chawl. I reached Divyesh's place. More than anything I was missing those silly jokes, our stupid lies. I shouted for Divyesh, His mom told me that he had gone to the shop and would only return in the evening. I couldnt wait till that time. and in any case, I couldnt find any of my old friends there, so I headed towards Divyesh's shop. I decided to meet Vijay sir, as the tuition class was on my way to Divyesh's shop.

"Mr. Thavrani, so finally you have learnt to be on time... Its 5:50" Vijay sir stood up to greet me.

Vijay sir was getting older now. I could sense that It was getting difficult for him to run the class. The walls didnt have a new paint that Diwali which was quite visible.

"Yes sir, I have learnt that the hard way". I replied.
"I am sorry sir, for always letting you down"
"Yes, my son, You have. You always have. You had no idea what I always saw in you"
I couldnt reply.
"When you joined the class, 9 years back. I knew that I had someone who really could top the board from Junagadh"
"I know you wont believe, but you had it in you. but you had to do what you had to" he continued and added
"but you always were my favorite student"
I really loved this man. I couldnt speak for some time. and then he asked the question, the question which was to give me answers of many of my questions in the future.
"So, How is Charu" He asked me with a smile
"Charu ?" I just wanted to confirm whether he was asking about the same Charu, Divyesh's Charu.
"Yeah, I am asking you about Miss. Charu only, the girl who cried on her first day" he laughed and added "I thought she liked you and I believe you liked her too"
"No sir, she was a good friend of mine and Divyesh, but it was nothing more than that" I was still puzzled
"Ohh, then I must be mistaken, you see, I am getting old. That day, I had to yell at her , because she was looking at you. So I thought you two would be in love"

I felt a bit uneasy. There was no mention of Charu by Divyesh since last 3-4 years. I had to talk to him. I stood up and asked Vijay sir his permission to leave.

I headed for the Jewellery Market. Where we would again start with our usual jokes


I hugged him and waited for him to start.

"Hey Kalpesh... You know that son of a bitch. Raju"
"Who ? That sucker with whom we always had a fight in class. " I knew Divyesh had started.. Raju was the son of a local gold smuggler who was once caught by the police. We always had fights with him. He was one of the dumbest people around in those days.
"Yeah, That sucker married Charu"
"What ? "
"Yeah, guess what ? She had started seeing him when we all were in 10th"
I was silent.
"Initially she was interested in you. You always wanted us to have friendship so she couldnt"
"I dont think that is true. There is something wrong" I finally found words.
"What the hell. You still dont believe that, Kali ? It was only because of her 10th she befriended me, her bhabhi wont allow her to study more had she failed. "
"Lets meet Kinjal"
"Stop it Kali. Do you think, she knows her. She used her as well. "
I had all the reason to believe it to be one of our usual lies until I saw tears in his eyes. I was still trying to figure out this girl who had fooled both of us, Kinjal and everyone who thought to know her.


"Hey Kali... tell me one thing....are you still a virgin" Divyesh asked viping out tears from his eyes. He looked normal. but I was still in the state of shock.

"Yes, unluckily, I still am" I was happy to see Divyesh divert the topic.
"Well... that makes you a loser too. You have lost another of your bet" Divyesh smiled
"How come ? "
"It was Charu who first lost her virginity in our class"


Kalpi's Hindi Film Awards - 2005

The year 2006 has started and with that starts the various hindi film awards ceremonies. I have stopped watching them, because they dont consider good movies. Usually its only those shitty movies which do well on Box Office or which has SRK, or both.

So why not have my own awards... !!! ;)

There are in all 43 movies considered for the 13 categories and they are :

7 1/2 Phere
Aashiq Banaya Aapne
Bunty Aur Babli
Chai Pani etc.
Ek Ajnabee
Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
Kya Kool Hai Hum
Lucky - No Time For Love
Main Meri Patni Aur Woh
Maine Pyar Kyun Kiya
Maine Gandhi Ko Nahin Maara
Mangal Pandey
My Brother Nikhil
My Wife's Murder
Neal n Nikki
Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose - The Forgotten Hero
Page 3
Salaam Namaste
Sau Jhooth Ek Sach
Taj Mahal - An Eternal Love Story

The movies which get the nominations are

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi - 11
Black - 10
Sehar - 7
Matrubhoomi - 6
My Wife's Murder - 5
Parineeta - 5
Yahaan - 3
Paheli - 3
Main Meri Patni Aur Woh - 2
Page 3 - 2
Bunty Aur Babli - 2
Taj Mahal - The Eternal Love Story - 2
Amu - 2
Sarkar - 1
Bose - The forgotten Hero - 1
Mangal Pandey - 1
7 1/2 Phere - 1
Karam - 1

Best Film

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
Main Meri Patni Aur Woh
- and The winner is Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi

Best Director

Kabeer Kaushik - Sehar
Sanjay Leela Bhansali - Black
Sudhir Mishra - Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
Madhur Bhandarkar - Page 3
Manish Jha - Matrubhoomi
- and The winner is again Sudhir Mishra for Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi

Best Actor in a Leading Role

Arshad Warsi - Sehar
Amitabh Bachchan - Black
Kay Kay Menon - Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
Rajpal Yadav - Main Meri Patni Aur Woh
Anil Kapoor - My Wife's Murder
- and the winner is Kay Kay Menon for Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi. Arshad Warsi is unlucky to miss out on this.

Best Actress in a Leading Role

Konkona Sen Sharma - Amu
Rani Mukherjee - Black
Chitrangada Singh - Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
Vidya Balan - Parineeta
Tulip Joshi - Matrubhoomi
- and the winner is Chitrangada Singh for Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi. Rani Mukherjee loses out...

Best Supporting Actor

Pankaj Kapoor - Sehar
Shiny Ahuja - Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
Naseeruddin Shah - Iqbal
Boman Irani - My Wife's Murder
Kay Kay Menon - Sarkar
- Shiny Ahuja beats Pankar Kapoor in his potrayal of Vikram in Hazaaron...

Best Supporting Actress

7 1/2 Phere - Juhi Chawla
Ayesha Kapoor - Black
Nandana Sen - Black
Nandana Sen - My Wife's Murder
Sandhya Mridul - Page 3
- Finally, an award for Black. Its Ayesha Kapoor

Best Cinematography

Ravi K Chandran - Black
Jacob Ihre - Yahaan
Jacques Bouquin - Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
Narender Khanna - Karam
Natarajan Subramaniam - Parineeta
- again its Black, goes to Ravi K Chandran

Best Music

Bunty Aur Babli - Shankar Ehsaan Loy
Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi - Shantanu Moitra
Parineeta - Shantanu Moitra
Taj Mahal - an Eternal Love Story - Naushad
Yahaan - Shantanu Moitra
- and the award goes to Naushad for Taj Mahal

Best Lyrics

Kajra Re - Gulzar Bunty Aur Babli
Bavra Mann - Swanand Kirkire Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
Dheere Jalna - Gulzar Paheli
Apni Zulfein - Naqsh Lyallpuri - Taj Mahal
Naam Ada Likhna - Gulzar - Yahaan
- and the award goes to Gulzar for Yahaan

Best Screenplay

Sanjay Leela Bhansali - Black
Sudhir Mishra - Ruchi Narain - Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
Atul Sabharwal - My Wife's Murder
Kabeer Kaushik - Sehar
Shonali Bose - Amu
- and the award goes to Kabeer Kaushik for Sehar

Best art-direction

Omung Kumar - Black
??? - Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
??? - Matrubhoomi
Muneesh Sappel - Paheli
Keshto Mandal - Parineeta
- and the award goes to Omung Kumar for Black

Best costume design

Subarna Ray Choudhury - Parineeta
Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose
Mangal Pandey
- the award goes to Paheli... donno who's the costume designer

best editing

Amitabh Shukla - Sehar
Bela Segal - Black
Catherine Dhoir - Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
Matrubhoomi - Ashmith Kunder, Shirish Kunder
??? - My Wife's Murder
- The award goes to Amitabh Shukla for Sehar.

To hell with people who dont agree with the nominations... the suggestions/comments are welcome if you dont agree with the winner out of the given nominations or if I have missed out on some notable contributions in terms of acting or films.